08.12.08
Scripture – Nehemiah 11, Psalm 38 & Luke 2
Observation -
Application – I’m not sure exactly which scripture applies today. I am feeling like I’m in such a rut. I don’t know how I get to these points in my life. I have moments of really feeling like I’m doing something great and other moments of wondering what in the world I’m doing at all. I’m not unhappy…I wouldn’t even say that I’m not content…just in a rut.
Lately, I have been pondering the obnoxiousness that is my “all or nothing” attitude. I don’t think that is something that everyone sees (maybe I’m wrong??), but it’s something within me that I am growing to hate. It’s like if I can’t accomplish each little thing on my “to do list” then I might as well not do anything. Mostly this has to do with SOAPing, exercising, eating right, not drinking pop, etc…So if I wake up and don’t have time to SOAP before little T gets up, then I might as well have a Mountain Dew and start my diet “tomorrow”. I’ll walk the dogs when I get home and maybe I’ll have time to SOAP after T goes to bed. And on and on it goes.
It really needs to stop. When I don’t operate in my “all or nothing” mode, then I enjoy life much more. I accomplish more. I feel better. I’m joyful. It’s like I have the answer to my problems, but I’m ignoring myself. I know that I’ve counseled people before and just been like “don’t you get it, if you’d stop doing “this”, then “that” wouldn’t happen anymore”. But I can’t get it through to myself. Or I just don’t care or something. I care, but something isn’t clicking.
Prayer – Father, you know my heart. You know the things I struggle with. You know all the great plans I make each night before I go to bed – as to how the next day will be. Will you please help me to accomplish the things I need to accomplish? Will you help me to be disciplined enough to do what I set out to do? And if for some reason something on my list doesn’t get done (usually due to a diaper situation or a dog getting out of the fence), then help me to get right back on track and not get derailed. I know that it’s in me somewhere…I definitely know that it used to be there.
I like that your mercies are new every morning. I praise you for that. Please work in me so that I can accomplish what I feel you have for me and my family. I love you, Lord!
